Today was a happy yet challenging day. The happy part : I went to a sale and bought some stuff that are difficult to get elsewhere, and a fraction of its original cost. The challenging part : I accidentally broke the key of the balcony grille…a terrible thing that is a bit too tricky to explain.  Let’s leave it there. I still dunno what to tell Nazri. I’d like to impugn the maid for distracting me from keeping an eye on the act of turning the key, but I guess it’s not fair for her, urghhh!

I found myself struggling to write my thesis. One struggle is of course my precious Adam trying to ‘help’ me with my thesis; I even have to remove the chair away from the table every time I stand up, usually I just put it in the kitchen. But I have a bigger problem. The idea was there, staring at my face for more than a week now, but somehow I found that my command of English was getting worse than ever. I’ve always known that my skill on preposition was pathetic, but to struggle with the choice of words, tenses and other grammatical errors have taken a toll on my writing speed and ultimately self confidence. Why oh why did I decide to do this this in English? Perhaps I wanted to change things for the better. You see, I’ve once laughed at the idea of having to retake the IELTS or TOEFL test after 2 years, since I didn’t think that language is something that can become deteriorated if not used after some time. Now, I’m eating my own words. I should have known-my Japanese was not improving after I left TKC nearly 12 years ago. And to think that I actually scored 1A for my 1119… it’s just a pity.

And hopefully that my ever oh-so-supportive Nazri will stop making fun of my English. Damn, it hurts! A bit. I think so. Or is it? Whatever…

Presently am pleasing my ears listening to these on MP3:

Leo Sayer - You make me feel like dancing
Michael Buble - Quando Quando Quando
Alanis Morissette - Uninvited
Babyface & Toni Braxton - Give u my heart
Barry Manilow - Can’t smile without you
Billy Ray Cyrus - Achy bracky heart
Bjork - It’s oh so quiet
Charles Aznavour - She
Cliff Richard    - All my love
                    - True love ways
                    - Constantly
Dave Koz- Nothing but the radio on
Diana Krall - The look of love
Doris Day & Bing Crosby - Baby it’s cold outside
Doris Day - Tea for two
Gabrielle - Out of reach
Genesis - I can’t dance
George Harrison - I’ve got my mind set on you
George Michael    - Kissing a fool
                        - Faith
Glen Miller - In the mood
Jann Arden- You don’t know me
John Lennon - Woman
Julie Andrew - My favourite things
Kill Bill soundtrack    - Nurse whistle
                            - KB theme II
Kool & the Gang - She’s fresh
Mr. and Mrs. Smith OST - Assassin’s tango
My Chemical Romance - Helena
Nat King Cole - Qiuzzas quizzas quizzas
Norah Jones    - Don’t know why
                    - Turn me on
Christopher Plummer & Julie Andrews - Edelweiss
Prince- The most beautiful girl in the world
Robbie Williams - Not of this earth
Lauren Wood - Fallen
Rod Steward - Have I told u lately that i love you?
Asoka OST - Raat Ka Nasha
Armageddon OST- Leaving on a jet plane
Simply Red     - Sunrise
                     - Fairground
                     - You make me feel brand new
                     - Home
                     - So beautiful
                     - If u don’t know me by now
Snoop Dog feat. Justin - Signs
The Platters - Put your head on my shoulder
TLC - Diggin’ on you
Dan Hartman - I can dream about you
Tori Amos - You belong to me

A nice and classic song. Tapi my maid spoil betulla, orang nak dengar lagu tu kat TV tapi dia pulak sibuk ‘sing-along‘ tanpa segan silu.


Renungkanlah   
by J. Mizan

Rasa cinta pasti ada
Pada makhluk yang bernyawa
Sejak lama sampai kini
Tetap suci dan abadi
Takkan hilang selamanya
Sampai datang akhir masa
Takkan hilang selamanya
Sampai datang akhir masa
Renungkanlah

Perasaan insan sama
Ingin nyinta dan dicinta
Bukan ciptaan manusia
Tapi takdir yang kuasa
Janganlah engkau mungkiri
Segala yang Tuhan beri

Rasa cinta pasti ada
Pada makhluk yang bernyawa
Sejak lama sampai kini
Tetap suci dan abadi
Takkan hilang selamanya
Sampai datang akhir masa
Takkan hilang selamanya
Sampai datang akhir masa
Renungkanlah

Tesis…tesiss…kenapala aku lembab menyiapkan ko? Aku memang tak suka menulis atau menaip bebenda akademik ni, dulu-dulu masa jadi law student selalu dapat markah assignment yang tidak membantu gred subjek. Dulu lembab buat tesis sebab selalu kena balik kampung tengok anak,sekarang ni lembab sebab Adam dok sini tapi dia selalu cling kat mummy dia, tak nak kat maid la kalau dah nampak mak dia. Komputer and meja study lak dok kat luar/ruang tamu sebab takde tempat lain dah, jadi mana mau lari??!! Pagi tadi terkejut sebab dapat panggilan dari ofis dean, ingatkan dekan nak jumpa, rupa2nya kak Sa’diah secretary dekan tanya apsal dia tak dapat contact Suez. Minah tu pergi melepaskan tekanan jiwa akibat tesis ni. (kurang2 dia boleh gak lari gi Aust, aku nak lari ke mana?) Takut gila kalau dean nak jumpa!

Kalau Adam nangis nak dok dgn mak dia, takkan aku tak ambik dukung dia? Rasa bersalaaah sangat kalau ignore dia. Kekadang tu kalau maid pegang and main dgn dia, ada jugak rasa jealous kot2 dia jadi rapat sgt dgn maid tu. Camne nak buat kerja camni? Ingatkan nak menaip di library fakulti (which is actually the best option right now)tapi laptop yang lama tu dah nazak, takleh nak buat apa dah… Takkan nak beli yang baru semata-mata nak taip tesis ni aje, orang lain menaip kat cybercafe OK aje… Lagipun laptop is too expensive for now, and me and Nazri sekarang ni memang tak nak ambik credit card sebab tak mahu berhutang, hidup pun tak stabil lagi. Kekadang kalau maid bawak Adam masuk bilik, pastu dengar Adam nangis, mestilah kita nak gi tengok apa dia buat kat anak aku sampai nangis ni? Padahal takde benda…

So today akibat kejutan panggilan telefon dari ofis Dean tadi,aku pikir "ni takleh jadi ni". So aku tolak kerusi ruang tamu tu supaya block Adam daripada datang kat komputer (and me). So far dia still panjat2 jugak kerusi tu pastu panggil mak dia dengan suara merayu dan mendayu-dayu, but I must be strong. Buat dek… buat dek… (tak tahula berapa lama boleh tahan).