Last Sunday was my 28th birthday.

Thanks to Sue, Yati and Suzanna for the wonderful lunch that we had at De’ Chiangmai Restaurant, for the thoughtful gifts and for the fattening, yummy & happiness-inducing Baskin Robbins cake. Needless to say it was one of the best birthday celebrationS I’ve ever had. Thanks gals!

Thanks for all the birthday wishes too!

And thanks to hubby for the wonderful gift.

It’s so funny that I’ve turned 28 because this is the first time I actually realize that I’m still in my 20’s. I thought I’ve reached my thirties years ago. Honestly. Sebab tu aku tak marah bila budak2 panggil aku ‘makcik’ kat pasar.

In other words - I felt old.

Ever since I got married and had my precious Adam, I’ve always acted and felt old (not necessarily matured). The focal point of my life is my family, and also my students. I no longer focus on my career development, my appearance and my own life. I don’t feel like a woman; I feel like a mother. I feel guilty of having to stay back at work to do my dissertation, although my brain works best in the evening. It’s so hard to juggle family life and work. Seriously, I have no idea how my lecturers & my friends who’ve studied overseas managed to complete their thesis on time, with children and all… I suspect less blogging, more work.

As I approached my 28th birthday, I realized I’ve become one of them ; women who let themselves go.

Before I got married, I’ve always wanted to wear nice clothes at home for my hubby (and for me), but since I got a maid i felt that it’s a bit inappropriate. I’ve settled for my kaftans. Same thing in life. I’ve always settled for something less; I just don’t have the energy, the spirit and the confidence anymore. People tend to judge you if you are a married woman and a mother. Having a ‘ME’ time is like a sin. That’s why women tend to drift apart from their girlfriends after they got married. I mean, I’m lucky enough to have a maid to look after my children when I’m away but the guilty feeling is still there. You know la, nanti orang tanya “Ni keluar makan dengan kawan-kawan ni suami tak marah ke? Anak-anak sapa jaga?”. Ish ish ish… Bad wife. Bad mother. Nak letak muka sendiri kat FB or Frenster pun rasa guilty. Nak kena letak gambar anak-anak baru rasa proper. *sigh*. You see? I’m acting old kan?

But I’m thankful for my family and friends. I wouldn’t trade them for anything else in this world. It’s just me. I’ve got to have that ‘anjakan paradigma’ towards my own life.

Screw the maid - I’m wearing my shorts from now on.

SELAMAT MENYAMBUT MAAL HIJRAH

AND

HAPPY NEW YEAR!